Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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