It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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