If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
