Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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