One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
