How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
only you would photoshop your dick
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
