Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
