How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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