You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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