Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
