i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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