Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Randomize
