How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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