omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
