I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
