I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
