wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
