So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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