Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
