It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
