Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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