So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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