So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
