Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We left an ass print on the piano.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
