so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
