I CAN MOONWALK!
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Randomize
