I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
That was an excessively violent trivia night
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
