I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
