If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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