Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
