FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
