Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
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