Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
