I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
