Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
