Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
