What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
