Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
