My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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