All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
