Taylor Swift is so right about you.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
