there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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