I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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