dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
