Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
