Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize