So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
