he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
