I must be too annoying 4 u.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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