wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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