I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
