Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
