theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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