Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
