im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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