Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
