Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize