Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
