I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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