yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
