I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
bring money and cleavage
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
