Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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