Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i want to swaddle you in tequila
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
