Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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