I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
