did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
