I faked an abortion last night.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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