I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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