I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Randomize
