Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
