There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize