I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
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