i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
