So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
