Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
