you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
